NCFFL Week 5 Power Rankings

 Good afternoon bitches!  Turd Ferguson here, with your NCFFL Week 5 Power Rankings!  It was another wild week in the NCFFL last week, as we had Adam barely holding off his little brother Mike, Rizzo barely edging out Nate thanks to a late, Monday Night TD by Travis Kelce, Steve Smith Sr. going all blood & guts on Forever Unclean, and a whole host of other great matchups, as we continue to do battle, intra-conference style.  We have one more week of conference matchups this week, before a two week break.  So everybody bring your A-Game this week!

Ok, let's do this!

1.  Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 4-0) - Over 4 games, the Kocks have scored an average of almost 140 PPG, a full 26 PPG higher than the next best team.

2.  East L.A. Scrotal Calipers (record = 2-2) - This team could be dangerous when LeSean Mccoy gets on track.  One of his better Olinemen is coming off suspension this week, so he might start getting on track soon.

I call this look...."Wolcott-Chic"

3.  Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 2-2) - This team does have some firepower.  They did have the 2nd overall pick, so let's hold the applause.  Nate is currently in last place in his division, but I expect that to change this week.

0-4?  You kidding me???

4.  Forever Unclean (record = 0-4) - Talk about bad luck.  Forever Unclean has had a whopping 545 points scored against them this year.  No other team has had over 500, and 4 teams have had under 400.  This still looks like the best team in the Burgundy Conference, but it's going to be an uphill battle to make the playoffs.  The good news is that they are only 2 games out of 1st place in the Burgundy South.

They benched EJ?  About time!

 5.  Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 1-3) - Brees and Murray are studs, but the cupboard is pretty bare after those two.  Hopefully Kyle Orton can turn Sammy Watkins into a stud WR.

I'm still laughing...

6.  Judson Cardinals (record = 2-2) - Despite a career game from Steve Smith Sr., the Cardinals don't appear to be much of a threat this year.  That could all change very quickly, if their "throw shit [trade offers] at the wall, and see what sticks" strategy pays off again this year.

3-1 baby!

7.  Mexican Cobras (record = 3-1) - This team isn't scoring a lot of points, but they have a 2 game lead in their division in the 1 stat that matters most….Wins.

Puttin' da team on my back

8.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 3-1) - After another close, Monday-night victory, the 'nators are sitting at 3-1.  This team has a lot of middling talent.  Picking the correct lineup every week is going to be a challenge.

9.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 2-2) - After a hot start, injuries are taking their toll on Tony Clifton's squad.  They may be forced to start Devin Hester this week, and that's not a good sign.

Sassy Jake says hi!

10.  The Collosus of Clout (record = 3-1) - Jake is secure in his manhood and happy about his team.  I have my doubts about both.

Why didn't anybody tell me about the Mike White curse?

11.  TEFL-ANDRES (record = 1-3) - Mike just barely missed out on knocking the Kocks off their high-horse last week.  The bad news is that the TEFL-ANDRES are 1-3.  The good news is that they are only 2 games behind the Cobras for the division-lead, and they play the Cobras twice in the next 4 weeks.  All Mike has to do is ignore the constant stream of shitty trade offers, and keep choppin wood.

Thanks for bailing me out, Bob

 12.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 1-3) - My sources tell me that Bob Witherow is appealing to the NFL, in an attempt to get Josh Gordon's suspension reduced yet again.

That's it for this week.  I'm not sure where the Fortune Teller is this week, but be sure to check the League Page often!

~TF