NCFFL Week 4 Power Rankings

NCFFL Week 4 Power Rankings

Good morning bitches!  Turd Fergunson here, with your NCFFL Week 4 Power Rankings!

Hey, how about that game last night.  That Larry Donnell shit was crazy, huh?  Rizzo has all but stomped out Nate's hopes for this week!  What's that?  He didn't start Donnell?  Oh, he probably started Jimmy Graham, or something, right?  Who?  Who the fuck is Travis Kelce???  LMAO!  Ahh Rizzo, that shit never gets old.  Well look on the bright side, Nate's team is trash, so you probably didn't even need to start a TE in the first place.

So we had some drama last weekend.  Jeff had Arian Foster in his starting lineup, was at the Bills game, and couldn't get any cell service, so he didn't know that Foster was deactivated for the game.  Never fear, Jake Phillips to the rescue!  Apparently,  Jake somehow found out about Foster, alerted Jeff, and Jeff called his minions at RAC, had them log into his office computer, and change his lineup for him.  The move got him his first victory.  Kind of a weak move on Jake's part, if you ask me.  He can deny the significance all he wants, but he cost Rickie a loss last week and, for some bizarre reason, helped the 2-time defending Burgundy Conference Champs get a victory!  As a result, I am renaming Jake's team to:  The Colossus of Clit!

Well, enough about those 4 shitty teams, let's get our rankings on!

You guys let 7 WR's come off the board before me, huh?

1.  Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 3-0) - The Kocks are averaging 136 Points Per Game this year, making them an easy choice for #1, week after week.

2.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 2-1) - Tony Clifton has some good players, but most of them have been underachieving.

3.  Forever Unclean (record = 0-3) - The good news?  This team is scoring points, to the tune of 342 points through 3 weeks…3rd in the league in Points For.  The bad news?  They've had a whopping 414 points scored against them!  That's 138 Points Per Game.  You'd think this would normalize over the course of the season (but the 'nators were 1st in Points Against for 2 years straight, so maybe not)

Nice hat bro!

 4.  Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 1-2) - Thanks in part to Jake, Dirty Mike finds himself in 4th place in the Burgundy Conference.  They'll get their shot at revenge this week, as they play…you guessed it…the Collosus of Clit.

5.  Mexican Cobras (record = 2-1) - This team is 2-1, but they haven't scored many points.  It's too early to tell if they are a contender, or a pretender

6.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 2-1) - This team is still scrambling around at RB, and they are hoping that Toby Gerhart will start to contribute soon.  The Jags ushering in the Blake Bortles era can only help matters.

7.  East L.A. Scrotal Calipers (record = 1-2) - Can't say I didn't see this coming.  After starting hot, and dropping 140 out of the gate, So Cal Scro Cal has failed to break 95 points.  I just looked at their roster, and the only word that comes to mind is "Meh…".

I barely outscored Russell Wilson, and he's on a bye

8.  Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 2-1) - Nope.  Not buying it.  Nate has gotten some monster games out of a couple of players, but this is still a very thin roster with no depth.

Gracias, Jake!

9.  Judson Cardinals (record = 1-2) - Thanks to goody-two-shoes Jake Phillips, the Cardinals got their first win last week.  This week they'll play their bitter rival, Forever Unclean, who will be without Peyton Manning.  Here come the Cardinals (just kidding).

Rickie has proposed this as Jake's new logo

10.  The Collosus of Clit (record = 2-1) - Lucky bitch Jake Phillips wins the Bob Witherow award through the first 3 weeks of the season.  Jake has scored only 282 points this season, but he's dead last in Points Against, at a measly 248 points (82 Points Per Game).  Congratulations?

Thanks for drafting me and my broken rib, Bob.  You're really swell!

11.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 1-2) - I'm not impressed by this team, but they did enough to get into the win column last week.

This team really is cursed

 12.  Password is Taco (record = 1-2) - Mike's string of bad luck continues.  His 1st overall pick is suspended until who knows when, and his 3rd round pick got a measly 1 point last week.

Well, that's it for this week.  Be sure to check the league page later today.  My sources tell me that we'll have a very special guest in for the Fortune Teller!

~TF

NCFFL Week 3 Power Rankings

Good morning bitches!  Turd Ferguson here, with your NCFFL Week 3 Power Rankings! 

What a wild week it's been.  We have Ray Rice beating his wife, Adrian Peterson beating his kid(s).  I know one thing...Mike Rizzo is salivating over all these thug RB's.  Move over Marshawn Lynch! 

If you thought the first 2 weeks of the NCFFL season were intense...you thought wrong.  Dumbass.  Those weeks were just a little primer before the shit really goes down.  And the shit is going down....RIGHT FUCKING NOW!  That's right, this week, we start our divisional matchups!

As you all know, we have have 2 conferences (Burgundy and Mantooth), and within each conference, there are 2 divisions (North and South).  The divisions look like this:

Burgundy North:
Rizzo
Jake
Nate

Burgundy South:
Jeff
Garret
Rickie

Mantooth North:
Adam
Alex
Sam

Mantooth South:
Mike
Bob
Tim

So why does any of this matter?  Well, in regards to the schedule, you play every team in your division twice per year (you play every other team once).  But more importantly, there are playoff implications.  The top 4 teams in each conference will make the playoffs.  The 2 division winners will be the 1 & 2 seeds, with the 2 wildcard teams taking the 3 & 4 seed.  So intra-conference games matter, and the intra-division games matter even more! 

Over the next 3 weeks, we will face each team in our divison once, with an intra-conference game thrown in for good measure, before going back to a 2-week stretch of cross-conference play.  So you ladies better BRING IT over the next 3 weeks!

Ok, enough about that, let's get into the rankings!

#1 again bitches

1.  Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 2-0) - The Kocks continue to stand alone as the team to beat.  FML.

2.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 2-0) - If the Kocks are the clear #1, our defending champs are the clear #2.  This team is loaded with talent.

Easy with the smack-talk there, Sack-O

3.  East L.A. Scrotal Calipers (record = 1-1) - Piss-poor effort by the ScroCal's last week.  This team reminds me of the 2012 'nators, and that's not a good thing.  With the obvious exceptions of McCoy and Sanders, this looks like a roster full of boom-or-bust type players.

I'll let you down when it counts

 4.  Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 1-1) - Dirty Mike and the Boys are 1-1, and heading to Judson St. for a showdown with the 0-2 Cardinals.  A win could give them a 2 game lead in the Burgundy-South.  Rickie better hope Vernon Davis can play this week, in his juicy matchup with Arizona.

Rizzo didn't want to draft me.  Now I'm his MVP

5.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 2-0) - Thanks mostly to Randall Cobb, the 'nators have managed to start 2-0.  A rash of injuries, and a lot of question marks at RB still have us doubting this team's long-term potential

I told you I wouldn't get those 9 points, Rizzo

6.  Steel Curtain (record = 0-2) - The Curtain lost a heart-breaker this week, dropping them to 0-2.  They are currently the 6th highest-scoring team in the league, so don't write them off yet.

7.  Judson Cardinals (record = 0-2) - If Jeff isn't going to participate, I'm not gonna waste time at work thinking of something interesting to say about his team.

"When you want to win a game, you have to teach. When you lose a game, you have to learn (not to draft Ray Rice)."

8.  Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 1-1) - Scoring 82 points is bad.  Losing, and getting smack-talked by Mike White is even worse.  That's the situation that legendary Fantasy Football coach Tom Landry Nate Phillips finds himself in this week, thanks to 1.7 combined points from Jamaal Charles and Marques Colston.

I told you not to start me

9.  The Collosus of Clout (record = 1-1) - Jake almost squeaked out a victory last week, losing in the final minutes of the Colts-Eagles game.  He'll need a big game out of Phillip Rivers (vs. Buffalo) this week to take down the 'nators.  Fortunatly, he'll have a front row seat, as he and Rizzo will be at the game together.  It's gonna be a long ride home for one of them.

Go to bed Jake

10.  Mexican Cobras (record = 1-1) - The Cobras got into the win-column last week.  This week, they'll try to make it 2 in a row, at the expense of the two-time defending Sack-O.

11.  Password is Taco (record = 1-1) - Mike White has apparently renamed his team once again?  There are going to be a lot of pissed off fans with "Password is Taco" jerseys this week.  No word on whether or not the team will be doing a "Jersey Buy-Back" program.

12.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 0-2) - The Outlaws got a huge game out of Dez, but it wasn't enough to take out the 'nators last week.  They'll try to get into the win-column when they face the TEFL-ANDRES (Password is Taco) this week.

Well, that's it for this week.  Jake, Sam, Rizzo, Tim, Nate, and Alex, make sure you get your Last Man Standing picks in!

~TF