NCFFL Week 7 Power Rankings

Ahoy-hoy!  Turd Ferguson here with your NCFFL Week 7 Power Rankings!

Many of you have asked where I was last week, and to you I say:  That's none of your goddamn business.  What a weak it was, though!  We had all kinds of homo-erotic trash talk to and from the Phillips boys.  To be honest, I'm a little creeped out.  You gut one guy who is clearly a homosexual, and another who probably only fucks cattle.  I also heard that, on draft day, he was considering bringing a gun to the draft???  Uh huh...  I guess that's one way to get the other owners to stop relentlessly talking shit about your shitty draft, huh?

Anyway, you've waited long enough.  Let's get down to business, shall we?

Thanks for the birthday gift, Rizzo!

1.  Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 6-0) - The best birthday present a guy could ask for?  Playing the 'nators.

Yeah I'm winning...but I really just want to trade-rape somebody :(

2.  Judson Cardinals (record = 4-2) - The Cardinals, who looked like one of the worst teams in the league to start the season, have managed to score 130+ in 3 straight games, are the 2nd-highest scoring team in the league, and get to tee-off against the Outlaws this week.

Why don't you like me, Rizzo?

3.  Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 3-3) - Russell Wilson finally came crashing back down to earth last week, only managing 10 points.  Additionally, JJ Watt is one of the biggest douchebags I have ever seen.  Seriously…guy is a tool.

Introducing "The Cobra Crew-Cut"

4.  Mexican Cobras (record = 4-2) - After starting slow, the Cobras have quietly scored over 100 points for 5 straight weeks.  This team may be more dangerous than I originally thought.

No more homo-erotic conversations with Jake?  YAY!

5.  Forever Unclean (record = 1-5) - Week after week, I come out here and bang the Unclean drum, and week after week, they lose.  They are starting to run out of time, and can only afford to lose 2-3 more games if they are going to make a playoff push.

I call this look...the "Wolcott Tuxedo"

6.  Washington Phillips Skins (record = 3-3) - I just don't know what to make of this team.  One week they score 140, the next they score 80.  They'll try to complete their sweep of the Phillips Boys this week, but they'll have to do so without Lesean McCoy.

Toe injury?  Or just giving up on this team?

7.  Jake's Shitty-Named, Shitty Team (record = 4-2) - Jake is apparently going to "blow out" the Washington Phillips Skins this week (so says Jake).  I don't see it happening.

Ok, maybe you were right about me, Rizzo

8.  Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 2-4) - Dirty Mike is currently 2-4, and near the bottom of the Burgundy Conference standings.  But they have 4 very win-able matchups in a row, starting this week (Lee-zards, 'nators, Outlaws, Rage-A-Holics).

Rizzo's reaction when he realized that he finally found a starting-caliber RB

9.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 3-3) - The 'nators may have finally found themselves a RB in Justin Forsett.  Now they just need to find another 2.

Alex's reaction when he looks at his RB's.  And WR's.  And TE's.

10.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 2-4) - The Rage-A-Holics started strong, but have lost 4 straight games, and have only broken 100 once in the last 4 weeks.  This team is heading in the wrong direction.

Ryan Mathews isn't coming back, right?

11.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 3-3) - After only breaking 95 points once in the first 4 weeks, the Outlaws have scored over 135 in each of the last 2 weeks.  They'll need to do it again this week if they're going to beat the red-hot Cardinals.

I thought this year was gonna be different

12.  Bruce Lee-zards (record = 1-5) - The Lee-Zards have only broken 100 points once this year (a 120-109 loss to the Kocks), but they have a favorable schedule for the rest of the year, and are currently only 2 games out of 3rd place in the Mantooth Conference.


Well, that's it for this week.  Join me next week for another steaming pile of Power Rankings!

~TF