Hello Losers,
I know what you're thinking... "I thought the Donald wasn't doing Power Rankings this year?". "Didn't Adam say 'no politics' this year?". Well he did, but he's a LOSER. So Commissioner Rizzo called me personally, and asked me to do the power rankings. I originally said no way, not after the way you treated my #1 fan Rickie Schiffhauer. Everybody knows that Rickie could easily beat Adam in a race, and isn't at all fat. And Adam is literally the biggest retard ever, so Rickie was right. But Rizzo actually begged me, so I had to consider it. He came to me and he said "Mr. President, the NCFFL needs you. Nobody does the power rankings as good as you. Not Turd Ferguson, not Jim Rome, nobody. The TRUMP power rankings are just so unbelievably beautiful... have you seen them? Have you guys seen the rankings? They're so beautiful that many many people are talking about them this year. Believe me. And now I'm back, and I'm going to rank the teams. I'm going to rank them bigly, and I'm going to grab the NCFFL right by the pussy. Believe me.
Before I get into the rankings, can you believe that I'm still waiting on dues from several owners. Not good. Not good. I'm in the middle of an audit right now, but I'm going to release the league finances anyway. You can click right here to see who has (or hasn't paid):
http://fantasy.nfl.com/league/892623/fees
Not good. Some bad hombres you have there in the NCFFL. Not even paying their dues on time. SAD!
Okay, I promised you rankings, and nobody keeps a promise like Donald Trump. As an added bonus, all of the rankings will be tweeted out this week! Here you go:
1. The Titsburgh Feelers (record = 2-0):
2. North Greece Outlaws (record = 1-1):
3. Lake Road Kocks (record = 1-1):
4. North Penfield Impregnators (record = 2-0):
5. Irondequoit Kock Killas (record = 2-0):
6. The Smoke-la-homa Beach BirdBang (record = 1-1):
7. Oklahoma Beach BirdGang (record = 0-2):
8. Barrow Hill Bulldogs (record = 1-1):
9. Mexican Yeti (record = 1-1):
10. Zeus's Beard (record = 1-1):
11. Elderberry Crunch (record = 0-2):
12. The L.A. Locos (record = 0-2):
Well that's it for this week. I have a very full week of super-important meetings coming up, so I may or may not be back next week. Now, can somebody please start a GoFundMe so I can afford an Uber back to Washington DC?
~DT
