NCFFL Week 4 Power Rankings

NCFFL Week 4 Power Rankings

Good morning bitches!  Turd Fergunson here, with your NCFFL Week 4 Power Rankings!

Hey, how about that game last night.  That Larry Donnell shit was crazy, huh?  Rizzo has all but stomped out Nate's hopes for this week!  What's that?  He didn't start Donnell?  Oh, he probably started Jimmy Graham, or something, right?  Who?  Who the fuck is Travis Kelce???  LMAO!  Ahh Rizzo, that shit never gets old.  Well look on the bright side, Nate's team is trash, so you probably didn't even need to start a TE in the first place.

So we had some drama last weekend.  Jeff had Arian Foster in his starting lineup, was at the Bills game, and couldn't get any cell service, so he didn't know that Foster was deactivated for the game.  Never fear, Jake Phillips to the rescue!  Apparently,  Jake somehow found out about Foster, alerted Jeff, and Jeff called his minions at RAC, had them log into his office computer, and change his lineup for him.  The move got him his first victory.  Kind of a weak move on Jake's part, if you ask me.  He can deny the significance all he wants, but he cost Rickie a loss last week and, for some bizarre reason, helped the 2-time defending Burgundy Conference Champs get a victory!  As a result, I am renaming Jake's team to:  The Colossus of Clit!

Well, enough about those 4 shitty teams, let's get our rankings on!

You guys let 7 WR's come off the board before me, huh?

1.  Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 3-0) - The Kocks are averaging 136 Points Per Game this year, making them an easy choice for #1, week after week.

2.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 2-1) - Tony Clifton has some good players, but most of them have been underachieving.

3.  Forever Unclean (record = 0-3) - The good news?  This team is scoring points, to the tune of 342 points through 3 weeks…3rd in the league in Points For.  The bad news?  They've had a whopping 414 points scored against them!  That's 138 Points Per Game.  You'd think this would normalize over the course of the season (but the 'nators were 1st in Points Against for 2 years straight, so maybe not)

Nice hat bro!

 4.  Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 1-2) - Thanks in part to Jake, Dirty Mike finds himself in 4th place in the Burgundy Conference.  They'll get their shot at revenge this week, as they play…you guessed it…the Collosus of Clit.

5.  Mexican Cobras (record = 2-1) - This team is 2-1, but they haven't scored many points.  It's too early to tell if they are a contender, or a pretender

6.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 2-1) - This team is still scrambling around at RB, and they are hoping that Toby Gerhart will start to contribute soon.  The Jags ushering in the Blake Bortles era can only help matters.

7.  East L.A. Scrotal Calipers (record = 1-2) - Can't say I didn't see this coming.  After starting hot, and dropping 140 out of the gate, So Cal Scro Cal has failed to break 95 points.  I just looked at their roster, and the only word that comes to mind is "Meh…".

I barely outscored Russell Wilson, and he's on a bye

8.  Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 2-1) - Nope.  Not buying it.  Nate has gotten some monster games out of a couple of players, but this is still a very thin roster with no depth.

Gracias, Jake!

9.  Judson Cardinals (record = 1-2) - Thanks to goody-two-shoes Jake Phillips, the Cardinals got their first win last week.  This week they'll play their bitter rival, Forever Unclean, who will be without Peyton Manning.  Here come the Cardinals (just kidding).

Rickie has proposed this as Jake's new logo

10.  The Collosus of Clit (record = 2-1) - Lucky bitch Jake Phillips wins the Bob Witherow award through the first 3 weeks of the season.  Jake has scored only 282 points this season, but he's dead last in Points Against, at a measly 248 points (82 Points Per Game).  Congratulations?

Thanks for drafting me and my broken rib, Bob.  You're really swell!

11.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 1-2) - I'm not impressed by this team, but they did enough to get into the win column last week.

This team really is cursed

 12.  Password is Taco (record = 1-2) - Mike's string of bad luck continues.  His 1st overall pick is suspended until who knows when, and his 3rd round pick got a measly 1 point last week.

Well, that's it for this week.  Be sure to check the league page later today.  My sources tell me that we'll have a very special guest in for the Fortune Teller!

~TF