2015 Week 3 Power Rankings

Good afternoon, ladies!  Turd Ferguson here, with your Week 3 Power Rankings!

Things are really starting to heat up here in NCFFL-land, am I right?  We still have 3 undefeated teams, and 2 of them square off this week!  That would be the Cardinals and the Phillips-Skins, of course.  In case you hadn't noticed, any team with a bird-related name has been downright terrible this year, and don't let their 2-0 record fool you...the Cardinals are no different.  For example, they currently have Nick Fales and Scott Chandler in their starting lineup.  Please join me in LOL'ing (Jeff really likes it when you LOL).  Where will the Cardinals fall in my Power Rankings?  Read on and find out, bitch!

Here we go:

Bob is ready to unleash the beast

1.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 1-1) - The Outlaws made it through Le'Veon Bell's suspension with an even 1-1 record, and will now unleash the #1 Fantasy RB on the NCFFL.  Get ready…

You were a little premature on the Tony Romo hairdo, Garret.  I'm sure the Tyrod Taylor one will look great too though!

2.  Forever Unclean (record = 1-1) - After an impressive Week 1 performance, this team laid an egg in Week 2.  Garret will need to guess right every week if he's going to put his best lineup on the field.

My kitty is better at Fantasy Football than most of you queers.

3.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 2-0) - The 'nators are currently undefeated, as well as the league's highest-scoring team…. All this in spite of their RB's.  This team is pretty top-heavy, so one injury could be a death-blow.

Who has 2 thumbs, and isn't someone you'd want as your starting QB?

4.  Mexican Cobras (record = 1-1) - The Cobras have a slew of injuries at the moment, but they have a very favorable upcoming schedule (their next 4 opponents have a combined record of 2-6), so they might be able to weather this storm.

I'm gonna be SO PISSED if we win the Sack-O again this year!

5.  The Washington Phillips-Skins (record = 2-0) - The Phillips-Skins may finally shed the Sack-O title this year….. But this doesn't look like a championship team either.

If Alex wins the championship again this year, he will adopt this hairstyle.

6.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 1-1) - Tony Clifton has actually put together a pretty solid team this year.  I don't love Russell Wilson, or their TE situation, but they don't really have any glaring weaknesses.

Why did he name his team after Andrew Luck and Percy Harvin, if he wasn't going to draft either of them?

7.  Luck Her Right in the Percy (record = 0-2) - This team has had some bad luck to start the season.  They are 5th highest in Points Scored, but 1st in Points Against.  Things won't be getting any easier, as they face the Kocks this wee…. What's that?   The Kocks suck balls?  Nice!  Savor this victory, Rickie!

Remember back when Jeff's team was good?

8.  Judson Cardinals (record = 2-0) - The Drew Brees injury might hurt….. Then again, maybe not.

Hey DeMarco, how many Yards Per Carry do you think you'll have this season?

9.  Klem Road Killer Kocks (record = 0-2) - The Kocks are one of the lowest-scoring teams in the league, but that could all change very soon.  Gurley and Bryant will both be making their debuts soon, and the Kocks are banking on them to right this ship before it's too late.

He's trying to trade everybody EXCEPT me?  Get me out of this dumpster fire!

10.  Oklahoma Beach BirdGang (record = 0-2) - Considering the fact that it's just a matter of time before Jake's best players end up on other teams, he really needed to start the season with some wins.  Instead, Jake is 0-2, and behind in the count.

The Llama's championship hopes may have driven away on that cart too

11.  Llama Fixers (record = 1-1) - This team should worrry less about fixing Llamas, and more about fixing their roster.  4 of their projected starters are currently injured, and they are running low on quality depth.

Andrew Luck's reaction when he learned that he was drafted by Mike White...

12.  The Smoke-la-homa Beach BirdBang (record = 1-1) - The BirdBang is dead-last in Points Against, but they've only managed to score 150 total points in 2 weeks.  The Sack-O Trophy might not leave 960 Klem Road this year.

Ok, that's it for this week.  Don't forget to pay your dues!!!

~TF

2015 Week 2 Power Rankings

A'hoy hoy!

Turd Ferguson here, with your 2015 Week 2 Power Rankings!

It sure was a wild first week in the NCFFL, wasn't it?  We had all kinds of draft drama (RAC Douchers showing up late, half of the teams forgetting to bring their dues, Jake either criticising every pick, or shouting out the names of half the players on Rizzo's draft board way before their ADP).  That brought us to Week 1, where the defending champs fell in embarrassing fashion to "the worst team in the league", the 'nators looking like the 'nators of 2008 (the last time they were any good).... I'm sure there was other stuff... but I don't really give a shit about the rest of those teams.  Fuck 'em.

Well I think that's enough of an intro... I know how badly you want these Power Rankings.  Let's just get into it, shall we?

They really said Garret had the worst team??? LMAO!

1.  Forever Unclean (record = 1-0) - In the days after the draft, one anonymous league owner was quoted as saying that Forever Unclean was "clearly the worst team in the league".  Well, Garret dropped 152 points on that anonymous owner last week, so he clearly gets the #1 spot on Ol' Turd's Power Rankings.

What was going through Peterson's head when he heard the Phillips-Skins drafted him.

2.  The Washington Phillips-Skins (record = 1-0) - The only team in the Mantooth North who cracked 100 points this week, the Sacko-Skins looked like a King of the Week contender….until Peterson laid an egg on Monday night.  I don't expect that to continue, and the rest of this team looks pretty damn good.  Could this be the year of El Pollo?

I'm here to drink protein and win fantasy chanpionships..... and I'm all out of protein

3.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 1-0) - The 'nators missed out on all the good RB's early, but got decent contributors in Stewart, Sankey, and (hopefully) Spiller.  If this team gets solid QB play, and guesses right with their Flex spot each week, they should be a contender.

I'll see you in 6-8 weeks, mother fuckers!

4.  Mexican Cobras (record = 1-0) - The Dez Bryant injury is a heartbreaker, but Carlos Hyde might be a legit stud at RB.  If this team can get healthy down the stretch, they should be a force to be reckoned with.

Better luck next week, Bob!

5.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 0-1) - Usually, I'm writing about what a lucky bitch Bob is, as he scores 80 points a week, yet somehow keeps winning.  Well this week, Bob had the 5th highest score (128 points), yet lost to the 'nators.    The Outlaws have the looks of a well-rounded team (and Bob IS a lucky bitch) so the Outlaws should bounce back.

I can't believe Jeff wasted that 7th round draft pick!

6.  Judson Cardinals (record = 1-0) - The Cardinals (aka The 2012 Fantasy AllStars) look fairly good on paper…. But this team looks fragile to me.  I'm sure most teams have already been bombarded with horrible trade offers,

"At least he held onto his helmet"

7.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 0-1) - I'm surprised the Rageaholics didn't do better last week, but Gore is old as hell, and all their WR's had shitty games.  This team always looks terrible all year before making a deep playoff run, so we can't write them off yet.  Jamaal Charles needs to play much better, if that's gonna happen.

I didn't realize the NCFFL would be this tough

8.  Llama Fixers (record = 0-1) - The Llama Fixers had a respectable showing in Week 1, but they still got their asses handed to them by the Cobras.  I look at this team, and I see Eddy Lacy, Matty Ice, and a whole bunch of injuries waiting to happen.

Father Time might be catching up to me

9.  Luck Her Right in the Percy (record = 0-1) - It sure looked like Peyton Manning is just about out of gas.  At least, until halftime last night.  Now I don't know what to think.  Team Rickie is in the process of putting a whooping on the Rageaholics, which would bring them back to an even 1-1 record.

LMAO I was his Flex player????

10.  Klem Road Killer Kocks (record = 0-1) - I'm not sure when was the last time the Kocks failed to score 100 points, but it's probably been a while.  Hopefully when Bryant and Gurley come back, this team will actually be a Contender.  Until them, file them under Pretenders.

He really drafted 3 Bucs?

11.  The Smoke-la-homa Beach BirdBang (record = 1-0) - Team BirdBang earned the W this week, and that's a good start.  I'm not sure why they loaded up on Bucs this year…. They're not exactly the 2007 Patriots, am I right?

Get your hands off my Sassy Sauce!

12.  Oklahoma Beach BirdGang (record = 0-1) - Slouch of the week, and praying for a stat correction (he didn't get one), this team is not good.  I'm not sure why Jake was so excited when he drafted Sammy "Best WR On A Team Who Doesn't Pass" Watkins.  What hurts even more than Sammy's goose-egg last week is the fact that the Broncos are an absolute trainwreck, making 1st round pick CJ Anderson look like a bust at the moment.


Well that's it for this week.  Don't forget to PAY YOUR FUCKING DUES.  And also, go fuck yourselves, NCFFL!


~TF