Hello Douchebags! Thanks for joining me for the Week 6 Power Rankings! With more than 1/4 of the season in the books, we head into Week 6 with some intriguing matchups, headlined by the top 2 teams in the Burgundy Conference... the 'nators and the BirdGang...LIVE, from Ralph Wilson Stadium.
That's right, Rizzo and Jake will be going to the Bills game on Sunday, the same week that they play each other. Which can only mean one thing.... Rizzo will be thoroughly annoyed, because Jake will be giving play by play fantasy updates all day long.
That's right, Rizzo and Jake will be going to the Bills game on Sunday, the same week that they play each other. Which can only mean one thing.... Rizzo will be thoroughly annoyed, because Jake will be giving play by play fantasy updates all day long.
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| Rizzo may resort to doing this, just so he can stop listening to Jake's constant scoring updates |
There are some other interesting mathups.... but who gives a shit? I know you bitches are just here for my Power Rankings, so here they are:
Just kidding. Before I show you the Week 6 Rankings, I just want to remind you all that I'm still waiting on dues from a good number of you. If you aren't sure if you've paid yet, you can check right here. Please pay your dues ASAP. You can send a check to:
Mike Rizzo
768 Yorkshire Circle
Webster, NY 14580
Rizzo is a pretty cool guy, who also takes Paypal, so if you'd rather just break out the ol' credit card, that's fine by me. Just let Rizzo know if you want him to send you a Paypal invoice, and you can pay pretty easily that way.
Ok. Enough of that business. Let's get on to the rankings, shall we???
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| 1st place is great, Jerry! |
1. The Washington Phillips-Skins (record = 5-0) - Something must be in the water over there at 960, because perennial Sack-O Samson Morreall and his Phillips-Skins are the league's only undefeated team.
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| All you other teams better say uncle! SAY UNCLE! |
2. North Penfield Impregnators (record = 4-1) - If the 'nators can continue win 50% of their games until Big Ben returns, they should be in great shape once the playoffs start. Bungles QB/Ginger Andy Dalton should help hold down the fort until Ben comes back.
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| You were SO close this week, Bob |
3. Oakland Outlaws (record = 2-3) - Tough break for the Outlaws. They're the highest-scoring team in the league, but only managed to win 2 games. They'll try to get back on track against Mike White's BirdBang next week.
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| There better be a f'n Stat Correction this week |
4. Mexican Cobras (record = 2-3) - Nothing sucks more than losing in the final minutes of Monday Night Football, but that's just what happened to the Cobras this week. This team is still scoring points, so when Dez returns they should be in good shape.
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| I'm not gonna bail you out every week, bro |
5. Judson Cardinals (record = 3-2) - Getting blown out by a winless team really hurts. Getting a combined 14.5 points from your first 4 draft picks hurts even more.
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| I get to keep all that Sassy Sauce you gave me, right? |
6. Oklahoma Beach BirdGang (record = 3-2) - The Cardinals were one of the lowest-scoring teams in the league heading into Week 5 (thanks to colossal bust of a 1st round pick CJ Anderson), but they absolutely exploded this week, dropping 137 on Garret A. Gusto. Meddling owner Jacob Phillips was quick to trade away some quality players on Sunday night, however. I'm sure this won't come back to bite him in the ass.
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| Something tells me Graham will be riding the pine this week |
7. Forever Unclean (record = 2-3) - If owner Garret Agosto had started Eifert over Jimmy Graham, they would've gotten the victory over the BirdGang this week, but that bench blunder cost them a victory (and you know this one really stings).
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| "He traded me for 2 guys on Mike White's bench!" |
8. The Smoke-la-homa Beach BirdBang (record = 3-2) - Don't look now, but the Smoke-la-homa Beach BirdBang are in 2nd place in the Mantooth Conference, and may have just trade-raped Rizzo for Antonio Gates (who is currently the #23 TE, despite having missed the first 4 games). Things are looking up in Smoke-la-homa.
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| It's hard to trend down when you only scored 49 points last week |
9. Klem Road Killer Kocks (record = 2-3) - The Kocks squeaked out a win over the Rage-A-Holics this week, and they more than doubled their Week 4 point total. #TrendingUp
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| This many weeks until Ricky drops me. |
10. Luck Her Right in the Percy (record = 1-4) - Heading into Week 5, this team had the most points scored against them….by far (132 points per game), which lead to their 0-4 start. This is not a bad team, however, so if Ricky's luck can turn around, he should have a chance to get himself off the ropes.
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| Owww! My season outlook! |
11. T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 2-3) - Not only did the Ragers lose a heartbreaker to the Kocks this week, they also lost their best player for the season. This team is known for making late-season runs, so we can't count them out just yet.
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| If you put all your hope into Jets receivers, you're gonna have a bad time. |
12. Llama Fixers (record = 1-4) - Injuries and underachieving players have led to a slow start out of the gates for the Llama Fixers, in their debut NCFFL season. Safe to say it's not all puppies & rainbows in Llama-ville.
Well, that's it for this week. Go fuck yourselves, NCFFL!
~TF
