Good afternoon ladies! Turd Ferguson...check that...CHRIS Ferguson here, with your Week 9, Gay-Ass, NCFFL Power Rankings! I'm having computer troubles today, and I keep losing half of my rankings when I try to upload them with images, so we'll keep this short and sweet. Here are your gay-ass rankings:
1. Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 8-0) - Still undefeated, and a cake schedule down the stretch. Could they go 13-0 again?
2. Judson Cardinals (record = 5-3) - Easily the hottest team in the NCFFL right now. The Cardinals have scored over 130 in 4 of their last 5 games.
3. Forever Unclean (record = 3-5) - The 3rd highest-scoring team in the league (just 25 points shy of the 1st place Kocks), Team Unclean will most likely find themselves in 2nd place in the Burgundy Conference after they play the Husky Fuckers this week.
4. Mexican Cobras (record = 5-3) - I still have a hard time trusting this team, but I'll be damned if they didn't have 4 players score over 25 points last week.
5. Oakland Outlaws (record = 4-4) - The Outlaws have won 3 of their last 4 games, and have a favorable schedule down the stretch. Owner Bob Witherow must be licking his chops.
6. Washington Phillips Skins (record = 4-4) - The Washington Sack-Os Skins suffered a heartbreaking loss to the Rage-A-Holics last week, but McCoy's Oline is finally getting healthy, as is Mark Ingram. They'll look to get an easy win vs. the 'nators, before 2 brutal matchups vs. the Cardinals and Kocks.
7. Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 3-5) - Nate's squad has lost 3 in a row, and will square off against a T. Clifton team that is on a 2-game winning streak. They're going to need another double-digit game from Jamaal.
8. It's Going To Be A Kicker Year (record = 4-4) - Since the now-infamous Jordy Nelson trade, this team has lost 3 of the last 4 games, and is trending downward. They also play the Kocks this week. Good luck with that, Jake.
9. North Penfield Impregnators (record = 4-4) - The 'nators lucked into a victory last week, and are somehow in 3rd place in the Burgundy Conference. They may very well find themselves in 6th place after this week, however.
10. Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 3-5) - Dirty Mike lost a close one to the 'nators last week, snapping a 2 game winning streak in the process. This week they'll face a suddently tough Outlaws team, with Sammy Watkins on a bye.
11. T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 4-4) - One of the lowest scoring teams, and no impressive skill-position players, other than Gio Bernard (who has gotten injured in 3 straight games). Tony Clifton's luck may have finally run out.
12. The Husky Fuckers (record = 1-7) - The good news is that the Husky Fucker are only 3 games out of 3rd place in the Mantooth Conference, and two of their next 4 games are against truly terrible teams (Jake's team and the Rage-A-Holics). They could still make a late-season run.
That's it for this week. Stay tuned for a HUGE episode of the Jim Rome show!
~TF
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