NCFFL Week 2 Power Rankings

NCFFL Week 2 Power Rankings!

 

Hey ladies, Mike Rizzo here with your Week 2 Power Rankings!  Turd Ferguson couldn't be here today.  After news broke of Terry Pegula buying the Bills, he started celebrating, and he is still MIA.  I'm sure we'll have him back next week, but I didn't want to deprive you of your precious rankings, so I'm filling in for him this week.  Here we go:

 1.  Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 1-0) - The Kocks pick up right where they left off in 2013 (in the regular season, that is…not in their back-to-back postseason losses), by dominating Dirty Ricky last week.  This roster is loaded folks.  Andrew Luck seems to finally have taken the leap from "elite quarterback" to "elite fantasy quarterback".

2.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 1-0) - The defending champs continued to roll last week, beating the Cardinals once again thanks to huge games from Matt Ryan and Cordarrelle Patterson.  Side note:  Cordarrelle is pretty annoying to type, so for the rest of the year, I'm not going to acknowledge him being on Al's team.

3.  East L.A. Scrotal Calipers (record = 1-0) - The So-Cal Scro-Cal surprised everybody with a resounding victory last week.  We all know that Sam won't sign another free agent all year though, so this might be the high-water mark.

Capable of knocking out Nate's playoff hopes with a single punch!

4.  Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 1-0) - It's pretty impressive that this team scored 122 points last week, when Jamaal Charles only scored 5.  That being said, this team is dangerously thin at both RB and WR.

Jeff is gonna be 0-2?  Not bad...

5.  Judson Cardinals (record = 0-1) - Word out of Washington is that President Obama has picked the Kocks in his NCFFL Last Man Standing pool this week.  Joe Biden, on the other hand, is refusing to participate.  What a fucking baby.

Should I guarantee victory again this week?

6.  Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 0-1) - Ricky has the unfortunate luck of playing the 2 highest-scoring teams in the league, 2 weeks in a row.  In the schedule-makers' defense, we expected both the Kocks and the Scro-Cal's to be terrible this year.

Hey there....don't forget about me

7.  Steel Curtain (record = 0-1) - I sound like a broken record…but don't sleep on this team.  As is the case every year, Garret has put together a quietly good team, but have had a ton of points dropped on them by their opponnent, at least in Week 1.

I hope that whole "white running back" thing works out for you Rizzo

8.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 1-0) - The 'nators got a win this week, thanks to a huge game from Calvin Johnson, and a bench blunder by Mike White.  Unfortunatly, every RB on their roster is currently injured, and their TE's are trash.

Even Jake Locker wouldn't start Jake Locker

9.  The Collosus of Clout (record = 1-0) - Well it's week 2, and Jake has already benched his starting QB.  Can't say I disagree with the strategy (Rivers is facing Seattle, and Jake Locker is facing the Cowboys terrible defense).  But it's still Jake freaking Locker.

[insert funny caption here]

10.  Password is Taco (record = 0-1) - Team Taco just barely got Slouch of the Week this week, but it seems like a fluke to me.  Brady is clearly on the decline, but he's better than the 12 points he gave Mike last week.  I also expect Team Taco's RB's to double their production this week.

I'm gonna have to do this all by myself, aren't I?

11.  Mexican Cobras (record = 0-1) - Tim's return to the NCFFL didn't go quite as they expected, thanks to A-Rod facing Seattle's defense, and all of their RB's getting hurt.  Rodgers could triple his Week 1 production against the Jets this week, giving the Cobras a decent chance to rebound.

When are they gonna reinstate Josh Gordon?

12.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 0-1) - The Outlaws only managed to score 65 points last week, thanks to weak efforts by every one of their starters.  They face a beatable North Penfield team this week, so they might be able to turn things around, even if they don't break 100 points.

Well that's it for this week.  My sources tell me that we could see a Fortune Teller article within the next day or two, with a VERY special guest.  Be sure to check the Facebook page!

~Rizzo