NCFFL Week 10 Gay-Ass Power Rankings

Hola bitches!  Turd Ferguson here with your Week 10 Power Rankings!

Last week was a bad week for the Rizzo family, as literally everybody with any relation to Rizzo suffered a brutal defeat.  Jeff, Jake, Nate, Garret, and of course, Rizzo himself all lost to teams in the shitty Mantooth Conference.  Can they bounce back this week?  Probably not.  But let's go ahead an rank them anyway!

Still #1 bitches!

1.  Stone Cold Killer Kocks (record = 9-0) - Not only are the Kocks the highest-scoring team in the league, they also have the least amount of Points Against.  Only 842.02 points have been scored against them all year (that's less points than if they had played the Husky Fuckers every week).  The stars may be aligning for the Kocks this year.

Who you calling a pretender?

2.  Mexican Cobras (record = 6-3) - Fresh off of a King of the Week performance vs. the Cardinals, the Mexican Cobras are primed to do it again against a reeling 'nators team this week.

No Sack-O this year?

3.  Washington Phillips Skins (record = 5-4) - The Phillips Skins got a big win against the 'nators last week, and their team is suddenly looking dangerous.

What hurts most is my butthole #HarrisonEffect

4.  Judson Cardinals (record = 5-4) - Injuries hit the Cardinals hard last week.  This week, they'll be hit even harder by bye-weeks.

Can I still do the "Superman" celebration?

5.  Oakland Outlaws (record = 4-5) - After going on a 3-game winning streak and claiming to be contenders, the Outlaws have failed to break 85 points in back-to-back weeks, and appear to be pretenders

6.  Forever Unclean (record = 3-6) - If I wasn't such a heartless prick, I'd feel bad for this team.  2nd highest-scoring team in the league, but 1180 points against.  That's like playing the Kocks + 4 points every single week.  It's time to stop making excuses, and win some f'n ball games.

We scored 89 points...and WON?

7.  Dirty Mike and the Boys (record = 4-5) - This team would be in terrible shape, if they weren't the only team in the Burgundy Conference to win last week.  Now they find themselves in 2nd place in the Burgundy Conference.

Something tells me this will be the last time I have to google a pic of Mike Evans

8.  T. Clifton Rageaholics (record = 5-4) - Despite being severaly short on talent, a monster game from Mike Evans was enough to propel this shitty team past Nate's shitty team last week.

"You have HOW MANY Bucs running backs???"

9.  North Penfield Impregnators (record = 4-5) - It appears that Calvin Johnson will finally be back in the lineup this week…but is it too little too late for the 'nators?

Winning just feels so good, and....I...I'm sorry...I can't do this...

10.  The Husky Fuckers (record = 2-7) - The Husky Fuckers came out of nowhere to put a whoopin' on Forever Unclean.  They'll look to do the same this week in the Husky Bowl.

Was Jake Locker available?

11.  It's Going To Be A Kicker Year (record = 4-5) - Jake's Shitty Team has lost 3 straight games, and 4 out of 5 since the infamous Jordy Nelson trade.

Wilson has spoken out against owner Nate Phillips, saying Nate is "not black enough"

12.  Turn Down 4 WATT (record = 3-6) - After a couple of huge weeks earlier in the season, The Herdsmen have lost 4 straight games, including this "Slouch Of The Week" performance.  They now find themselves in last place in the Burgundy Conference.